Authentic Faith - Grappling With The God Thing...

 Straight off the bat, I expect to be misunderstood here and that is fine, if you get triggered by this good. That tells me I hit a nerve and maybe at some point when you are ready, it will make you think about your own eternal state. 

As for mine?

Well... If you had asked me at any point before 2018, I would have told you I will be a Christian until my dying day, now though I'm not sure that's true.

You see, I have this really pesky problem that has been a driving force since I was small. 

Ready to hear it?

I am now, and always will be in love with the real Jesus, and I'm not sure I see much of what He is about in what we call Morden Christianity. 

I've never really been one to care more for religion, although I can respect it, but I have always been a woman of faith. 

The thing is though, and this has taken a lot for me to come to terms with. I do also have a serious love for all things occult. 

There, if my tittle didn't cause the first run of well meaning, but extremely religious folk to jump straight to commenting on how I am a "sinner, witch etc.." then that should have done it, or else they are gone now which is even better.

So then, from here on in, I am going to have to assume that you, the person reading my work right now is someone with a least a little understanding of what basic Christianity is about, that you are someone with the ability to respect other people's opinions until you have heard them out, and that you know that life is not all black and  white. 

Also, I would imagine that those that know me, will likely be surprised by the revelation that I am no longer a Christian, after all I have been so fiercely protective of my faith my entire life and very vocal about it, in my work.

With all of that said, I just want to jump straight into this, I have a lot to unpack here and not a lot of time to do it, so I need to get moving.

Right so, let's begin.

I've always been very open about my past, and shared my testimony many times, so I won't go into too much detail, but I was born into a Christian family, I gave my life to Jesus at just 3 and I grew up in the faith, when I was a teenager and trauma found me, I briefly had a stint of struggle in said faith but eventually realised that the only one that would ever be there for me is Jesus. 

I was always very balanced, happy to hear other people out on their view points, but still equally as strong in my own faith. I was a woman of values, I bought into the true love waits, straight edge, let's win the world for Jesus mentality, but I still had interests and a life outside of my faith activities. 

Sounds like I was pretty typical of the average Christian girl  right?

Yet I'm now saying that I am in love with in the occult and renouncing my former faith. 

So what happened?

Well, you may think that I just got twisted by life, and you would be right to think that all of the trauma I have very openly talked about in my work has been a factor but honestly, I am not your typical camper and all the trauma did with anything is throw me even further in to the arms of Christ. 

It is also through said trauma that I learnt to master the art of change management, and without all that pain this blog would likely not exist. 

 I am by  nature a woman with a big heart, I don't say a lot to the people in my life but there is a lot going on behind by sky blue eyes that will get the truth out of you.

I write a lot, I think a lot and music is my manna and my mayhem! 

I am very comfortable with the pure sweet and innocent persona that I have created for myself,  but I am now at a point in my life where I think I have to smash it to bits. 

The only way  I know to do that is with the truth, and so here it is. 

I renouncing my former faith because it was fake.  

I thought it was real but upon further inspection and understanding of how the world really works, I think I must say good bye to the Jesus I once knew because He is not at all the son of God...at least not the way you would think. 

The Jesus I now serve is one that is pro agency, pro authenticity and pro change. 

The rigid rules of the Jesus I served previously led me to turn my faith into an idol, and the real Jesus won't have that. 

I have always been in love with the pursuit of the truth and so despite what others tell me, I have always been one to seek out the origins of all things myself, and to way up all sides of an argument before making up my own mind. 

Now I know some well meaning Christians will tell me to get back to reading my bible because it is the ultimate authority of God. 

Honey please! I know my bible inside out and believe it or not it is my knowledge of the word that has led me to the position I am now in.

Since though, I know the likely hood of any Christian understanding where I am coming from here without the use of the scriptures, let's look a few that led me here, now. 

Matthew 16:4

A wicked and adulterous generation seeks after a sign, and no sign shall be given to it except the sign of the prophet Jonah.” And He left them and departed.

They very fact that the so called church can't see that the sign on Jonah is currently in action, and that they are willingly rolling over and showing their bellies to the powers that be without question, is shocking to me. I'm not going to go into too much detail here, but the real Jesus doesn't call the currently pandemic the name it has been given by men.

It is called The JONAH Virus.  I am intentionally not breaking it down here because only those with eyes to see will come back and here and actually here me out after the revelations that will follow in the next few posts, which by the way will be happening all week. 

The Hayley you knew is dead. It's time to come out of the broom closet...

Ah..stop Hayls you are  getting a head of yourself.

Right sorry, back to the scripture thing. 

Ok so I gave you my first reason with a scripture, I will give you two more. This blog after all is called, Daisy Change Braids. 

So then let's braid a perfect scripter infused wedding ring of a dark braid that locks me into my fate from here on in, and very obviously reveals the true nature of the choker around my neck. 

Scripture 2. 

Revelation 3:15-19

New International Version

15 I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! 16 So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. 17 You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. 18 I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see.

19 Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent.

I decided a long time ago that I would be on fire for the real Jesus no matter what happened, so when I found that my Jesus has left the church, I have no choose but to follow Him and that means renouncing the fake. 

So then quick recap, 

My two scriptural reasons for renouncing my former faith are firstly sign of Jonah is in action, people can't see it, this breaks my heart, and secondly because I am on fire for the real Jesus. 

Okay third scripture. 

2 Thessalonians 9 -12

9 The coming of the lawless one will be in accordance with how Satan works. He will use all sorts of displays of power through signs and wonders that serve the lie, 10 and all the ways that wickedness deceives those who are perishing. They perish because they refused to love the truth and so be saved. 11 For this reason God sends them a powerful delusion so that they will believe the lie 12 and so that all will be condemned who have not believed the truth but have delighted in wickedness.

I knew this, I grew up being so determined to love the truth so's not to be deceived and yet....I still was. 

The truth is, I figured out who the man of lawlessness is, and since I believe that compassion not communication is the true heart behind evangelism, I decided to try to reach Him because it is not the will of God that anyone perish. My convictions, were pure and so were my motives, but honestly this was not the smart thing to do. 

The thing is though the church led me to that decision, and so did my former Jesus. That Jesus wants full surrender, solider of the Lord mentality and honestly although He claims to be about love and "the will of the Father" I had to question which "father" that Jesus served. 

Could it be possible that the man of lawlessness, was the Jesus of the Morden Church? 

Had I fallen in love with the devil in disguise? 

This naturally led me on a long journey to figure out the truth, see I still believed that if there was a fake Jesus running around then then real one must be around here somewhere. So then I set out on a mission to give my entire life to finding the real Jesus so that the gospel of the kingdom could be preached to all and the kingdom of God be revealed on earth.

After much, turmoil I did find the real Jesus, and He is so different from the narrative I was taught growing up, but so consistent with the character of the God I have served all these years.  

Don't get me wrong, I know the bible is true. The gospel, even if in a different way then expected. 

The Jesus I know is quite frankly the love of my life! 

The core difference between the Jesus I thought I knew and the genuine article is that my Jesus is very comfortable with us thinking for ourselves, practicing self defence in all it's forms, and being authentic.

This is the Jesus after the cross, and that experience  has changed him. I know God doesn't change, but the humanity of Jesus did. 

Did you really think that He would become sin for us, as both man and God and that it wouldn't impact the kind of king He would become?

He was a man like us, He understood emotion, pain and trauma, and then He went through the most traumatic event that anyone ever could and you're telling me that didn't change how he feels about humanity? 

Sure, He is wonderful, benevolent and all the things the bible says that He is, but also He gets our pain on a level that none of us ever really think about. 

Then it hit me, I suddenly had a revelation of where the real Jesus was and what He needed to fulfil the plan of the Father. 

So it is now my honor to give Him what he needs. I was always told growing up that before I was born that my mother was told by Jesus that I would be His witness, and through out my life, I had been. I have had the honor of seeing Him in a way that few get to. I have witnessed His black, his white and and red and I love each and every side of Him equally. 

So to reiterate, to my precious Jesus. 

I love you final answer. 

So that pretty much sums up why I am doing this. 

After all that He has done and shown me, it's my turn to show the kind of woman that I am. 

Here's to the treasures of darkness, I'm about to walk the plank. 

My Jesus requires authenticity, He isn't afraid of our trauma, pain or sin. He's more than capable of meeting us where we at and leading us to where we are suppose to be. He is both pure fire and gentle water.

He is the way the truth and the life, but he really, really understands the kingdom of darkness.

It is for that reason that I made it my business to do the same. 

I have always had a fascination with the occult, but grappled with the darkness in my soul for a long time. 

Now at last it's time to admit to the truth...

I am the woman in the chair, but A life without my Jesus isn't worth it, and it's time for me to go home.